


Determined and Fragile

by digthewriter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: EWE, M/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sirius Black Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:53:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4987345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digthewriter/pseuds/digthewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not the first time they've broken up. It's not the first time they get back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Determined and Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Determined And Fragile

* * *

They shouldn't be together. That much is obvious. There's nearly a twenty-year age difference between them and the war's just over. The last thing Harry needs is for Sirius to stake a claim on him. Sure, things had escalated quickly between them. They'd both thought that they wouldn't survive the war. 

They both did. 

What once had been regarded as a need for the moment was quickly requiring to be titled. 

They weren't in a real relationship, so the break-up wasn't a real thing, either. They'd just... _stopped_. 

Then why was it that whenever Harry entered the room, Sirius nearly forgets to breathe? 

-

The first night was the hardest. Sleeping apart like that. Knowing that Sirius was in the next room. It was just so quiet after the war. Everything had settled. He and Ginny had been over and done so long ago that he couldn't even go back to her for comfort. For the night. For the moment. 

She'd moved on too, and he couldn't blame her. He had no idea how he was going to explain it all anyway. He'd been warming Sirius's bed since Dumbledore had died. Now, two years later, he wanted to try with Ginny? It was pathetic, really. 

-

Sirius knew he should have placed a Silencing Charm on himself before he'd left his room. He should have known that Harry would be in the kitchen, waiting. The morning routine had yet to get old. Sirius liked making breakfast in the quiet, with his thoughts. Then Harry would come in, and they'd have their breakfast, before they'd have the food. 

When he saw Harry making breakfast instead, Sirius should have just turned around and left. Except, he grabbed two plates and started to pour juice in the glasses when Harry dropped the pan. The noise shattered the silence. The awkwardness of what they had been doing but had evidently decided to no longer do, raised between them. 

Sirius cringed when the bacon grease splattered all over the counter and nearly landed on Harry's wrist. He was prepared to rush to him, to make sure he was all right. 

But he didn't do anything. They stood there, staring at each other, until Sirius turned and left the kitchen. 

-

Harry wasn't having any of it.

No, he wasn't a child. No, he wasn't the same person he was at sixteen. He was nearly nineteen, and he was his own man. He wouldn't just allow Sirius to walk away from him. He didn't care that he was so much younger than Sirius or that he should explore new options, find someone his own age. He fucking wanted Sirius. 

He raced out of the kitchen after Sirius and pulled on his arm, giving Sirius a start. He demanded to be seen. He would _not_ be ignored. 

Sirius tried to walk away again, so Harry pushed him. Sure, it was his godfather and his former lover, but Harry wasn't going to back down. He'd defeated the Dark Lord; urging someone to acknowledge him wasn’t so hard. 

Sirius gave him a warning look. He looked as though he clearly wanted Harry to back off, but Harry wouldn't. He only pushed harder. Sirius grabbed Harry by the shoulders and instead of pushing him away, he pulled Harry against his chest. They didn't fight. Harry had no idea what he would have done if Sirius had wanted to fight. He had no idea what he would have done if Sirius had left. 

Harry looked up at Sirius, and Sirius pulled him in for a kiss. Long, and deep, and hard. The way they used to. Harry stumbled backwards until the back of his legs hit the sofa, and he pulled Sirius down with him as he fell. Legs tangled, and hanging half off the sofa, Harry removed his shirt first, then he started to unbutton Sirius's. Sirius pushed his tongue deep into Harry's mouth, and Harry tasted Sirius's mouth wash and a hint of Firewhisky. With his hands pinned under him and Sirius rubbing up against him, Harry was pliant as Sirius just kissed and kissed and kissed him. The friction of their silk trousers as they rutted against each other was too much, yet not enough. 

Finally, Harry broke free. He needed to feel Sirius. All of him. In his hand, in his mouth, inside him. Sirius pinned him down again.

He begged. He begged for Sirius to let him go. To let him do more. But Sirius didn't budge. He continued with what he was doing. Tasting Harry. Nearly devouring him. 

The angle wasn't the best, and Harry's wrists were starting to ache. He cried out in pain, but when he felt Sirius slow down, Harry realised that Sirius was coming in his pants, he nearly well lost it too. 

Eventually, Sirius let go of him and walked away. 

-

They didn't talk about it. For days, Sirius just flat out avoided Harry. If he knew that Harry was home, he'd go out. Anywhere. He went running in forests he wasn't familiar with. He slept in bushes that Harry didn't know anything about. He didn't want Harry to find him. Not like this. He needed to be strong. 

What would James say if he could have seen him? What would he have thought of Sirius? 

Using his boy like that. 

Except, he knew that Harry wanted it too. Sirius felt it in his bones, and that's why he had to stay away.

Sirius knew he could only avoid reality for so long. Harry was off for Auror training, and Sirius spent most of his days with the few friends he had left. At night, he knew that he would have to keep the bedroom door locked. Not so much to make sure Harry stayed outside, but to make sure Sirius stayed inside. 

Still, Harry had found a way in. He rested at the edge of Sirius's bed, just watching him sleep. Then, when Sirius awoke in a start — as he always did with his nightmares — Harry pleaded with him again. His eyes shone in the moonlight coming in through the window, and they were asking for it again. The thing that Sirius had determined that he wouldn't give, couldn't give. Harry needed to move on. Sirius was sure of it. Yet, it didn't help that Sirius wasn't so good at moving on either. 

Harry crawled into bed, and they made love the way they had their first time, nearly three years ago. Sirius took care of Harry — showed him how special he was. Loved him with every ounce of his being. As Harry writhed underneath him, he only asked for more. And Sirius gave him more. He gave him everything he had and made promises all over again. Promises he shouldn't have made from the start. Promises he knew he'd break again. 

-

Harry woke up tangled amongst the sheets and a set of limbs that hadn't been his in a very long time. He felt Sirius's breath on his neck and their naked bodies pressed against each other. Sirius was his again. For the time being, anyway. Until a time Harry was sure was coming: when Sirius was going to try to make excuses again. Move away from him and encourage Harry to find someone his own age. 

But Harry didn't listen the first time, and he wasn't going to listen again. He was going to make sure that Sirius would stay with him. Always. 

No matter what. 

 

_end_


End file.
